you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
