I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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