i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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