Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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