WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
