U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
