Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
