i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize