oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
