just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
