I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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