have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
