Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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