glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Randomize
