I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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