what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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