I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
