The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think i have two assholes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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