one word: firstdatebathroomanal
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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