I got chris browned last night
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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