Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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