how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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