i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
