I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
