My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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