Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
