Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
