my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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