We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
