right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
do nipples grow back?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
