I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
