Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
