Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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