Pants 0. Shit 1.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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