I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
