Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
