I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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