I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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