I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
