Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I would ride that face into the sunset
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
