drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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