called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
