I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
