I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
