I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
