please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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