why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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