what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
