a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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