you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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