the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
