My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
