she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
