i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
