Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
