Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
