I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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