And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
