You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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