I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
