I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
