Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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