peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
