they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
